The Funeral
by CrazyCartoonChick236
Summary: Stimpy loses his best friend, and he has to go to his funeral. Can he make it, or will he go nuts first?


It was around 7:00 am at Ren and Stimpy's house, and Ren was getting ready for work.

"Good-bye, Stimpy! I'm off to work! You'd better have this house clean before I get back or I'll tear your skin off!" Ren said happily, putting on his fedora and suit.

"OK, Renny! I'll get right on it!" Stimpy said, wearing a maid's outfit.

"Don't call me that!" Ren sang. He grabbed his keys, briefcase, and a piece of Powdered Toast and opened the door. "I'll be back around 6:00 pm!" He walked outside and closed the door back.

The door opened again. "By the way, you look so HOT in that!" He poked his head back outside and closed the door. Stimpy watched out the window as his car drove off.

"Alright! Time to get working on the chores Ren left me!" He took out a long list and began to read:

MOP THE KITCHEN

CLEAN THE WINDOWS

PICK OUT SOME MUSIC TO JIGGY TO TONIGHT

VACCUM THE LIVING ROOM RUG

MAKE THE BED

SCRUB THE TOILET

SHAVE THE CHICKENS

WASH THE DISHES

GO TO THE STORE AND GET THE GROCERIES

DO THE LANDRY

MOW THE HEDGES

CHANGE THE LIGHTBULBS

SPRAY SOME FEBREEZE ON THE COUCH

ORGANIZE THE REFRIDGERATOR

SHARPEN MY PENCILS

PAINT A SEXY PORTRAIT OF ME

GET THE MAIL

KILL MICHEAL BAY

PUT TOGETHER MY NEW DESK

"Doesn't look too hard! This will probably only take me 5 minutes!"

5 hours later:

"PHEW! Wow! That was harder than I expected!" Stimpy was sweating a river at this point. "Well, at least I got everything done! Now Ren can be happy when he gets home!" He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

"It's time for the Muddy Mudskipper Show!"

"Oh, joy!" Stimpy got up close to the screen and pressed up against it.

"We interrupt this program for this Breaking News Report!" said the announcer.

"Aw, poo-poo." Stimpy slouched over. He was about to turn off the TV when:

"There has been a horrible wreck near McDonald's earlier this morning. A woman with 7 children and a Chihuahua have wrecked their cars at the stoplight and have been severely damaged." A reporter woman said.

"Chihuahua?" Stimpy scooted closer to the TV again, listening closely.

"The woman and her children have survived with absolutely no injuries whatsoever, but I can't say the same for the poor Chihuahua."

Stimpy gasped. "Oh, no! What if that's Ren!" Stimpy started shaking the TV violently. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY REN?"

"OK, man! Jeez! You're giving me a headache! Anyways, he was taken to the nearest hospital. The doctors struggled all day to help, but nothing worked. He died 2 hours after the crash."

Stimpy felt his heart snap. He started crying and pounded on the ground, rolling around and screaming from the top of his lungs.

The front door opened. Ren came into the living room and saw Stimpy bawling like a maniac. "Stimpy? WHAT are you doing, you eediot?"

Stimpy looked up and could hardly believe that Ren was standing in front of him. "REN! YOU'RE ALIVE! Or you're a ghost!" He got up and touched him. "No, you can't be a ghost, I can feel you! Oh, Ren! I thought I'd never see you again!" He hugged Ren as hard as he could and started crying again.

"Could you PLEASE tell me WHAT is going on? I'm TOTALLY lost, here!"

"The news said that you had died in a horrible car crash and I got scared!"

"What? That's crazy! I'm perfectly fine! How could they say that happened?" Ren asked.

"Well, they said that a Chihuahua died in a car crash. They weren't very specific. But you're the only Chihuahua in this part of town, for all I know!"

"Well, don't worry, Stimpson. That will NEVER happen to me because I am an excellent driver. I just got a discount from Allstate telling me so!" Ren stated proudly. "Uh, Stimpy, you can let go now. I think you're breaking my back."

"I don't want to!" Stimpy giggled.

"Come on, Stimpy! I'm exhausted! Let's go get some sleep!"

"OK." They both went upstairs and got ready for bed. Ren only put his pajamas on and went straight to bed. But Stimpy went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, shaved his legs, and combed his fur for about 30 minutes.

"Are you about done yet?" Ren asked impatiently.

"I'm sorry, Renie-poo! I'm almost done!" Stimpy cooed.

"Why do you keep giving me these retarded pet names?"

"Isn't that what people who care for each other do?"

"That's what annoying teenage couples do, Stimpy! Can you please stop with that? It's creeping me out!"

Stimpy flushed the toilet and got into bed. Instead of going to sleep, he looked up at the ceiling. "Hey Ren?"

"What do you want?" Ren grumbled.

"I just wanna say I'm glad you didn't die today in that car crash you didn't have."

"Stimpy, can you just drop it?! I'm REALLY tired!"

"I'm sorry, but I thought I had lost you today. I was really scared that I'd never see you again. I'm lost without you, Ren. You're my best friend." Stimpy sniffled.

Ren sat up and looked at Stimpy. He patted his back and smiled. "Gee, Stimpy, that's sweet. But you don't need to worry. You don't think someone as great as me can survive a puny car wreck?"

"I- *sniff* I guess you could. If you say so."

"I know I don't usually say this to you because I'm a huge jerk to you, but you're a good friend, Stimpson. Come here." Ren gave Stimpy a long, warm hug, then quickly went back under the covers to hide his blushing. "If you speak of this to anyone, I'll post those photos of you at that party on Facebook. Now good-night."

"Good night Ren!" Stimpy said, giggling. Then they both drifted off to sleep.

The next morning:

Ren woke up the next morning and saw that Stimpy was already up. He looked over at his alarm clock and it said that it was 6:00 am, beeping extremely loud. He wondered why he was up so early. He went downstairs and went into the kitchen for a glass of camel milk when he saw Stimpy already cooking a gigantic breakfast. "Stimpy, why the hell are you up so freaking early in the morning?'

"Your boss called and said that you need to come into work today at 6:30, so I came down here to cook breakfast so that it would be ready when you got up."

"What? Oh, come on! It's bad enough that I have to work 10 hours a day! Now I have to come in earlier for even more hours? That is a loud of crap!"

"Now now, Ren. Calm down. My super duper pooper breakfast will give you enough energy to get through the day! I cooked everything we had! Go ahead and sit down because it will be ready in about 10 seconds."

Ren went over to the kitchen table and sat down, droopy eyed and completely drained of life. "Oh my God I am so tired. If that stupid retard boss dude thinks I'm coming to work that early, he can kiss my-"

"DONE!" Stimpy started bringing everything to the table. He brought over pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausages, toast, grits, hash browns, fish, pig livers, tangelos, popcorn, chicken milk, and a baked shoe.

"Holy crap, Stimpy! How long have you been awake?"

"Not too long. Only about 3 hours. One of them I spent trying to find a milkable chicken!"

Ren kept staring at the meal before him. "I don't deserve you, Stimpy. Thank you. But how in the world am I supposed to eat all of this? This would feed 12 people in a week!"

"You don't have to eat it all right now. You can take leftovers to work and have it for lunch."

"Alright then. That sounds good." Ren began to dig in to a nice shoe. "Aren't you hungry, Stimpy?"

"No, Ren, that's all for you. I can eat later. Well, I'm gonna start on my chores! Enjoy!" Stimpy took a list from the counter and went upstairs. He went to the bathroom and peed. When he was done, he went back downstairs and started to read:

**MAKE THE BED**

**VACCUM THE WALLS**

**SHINE MY SHOES**

**CLEAN OUT YOUR FILTHY LITTER BOX**

**GET THAT DEAD RACCOON OUT OF THE SINK**

**ORGANIZE MY COLLECTION OF LADY GAGA'S WIGS**

**BURN ALL OF THE COPIES OF TRANSFORMERS 3**

**CHECK THE MAIL**

"Hey Ren! There's not a whole lot on this list! You sure you don't want me to do any more?" Stimpy asked.

"Nope. Just do that today, Stimpy."

"Are you sure?"

"Stimpy, you've been working too hard! Besides, there's not a whole lot left to do! You've cleaned it up real good this past month. Just do that, and then take a break!"

"OK, whatever you say!"

Ren gulped down some more breakfast and put the rest up in containers. He put on his coat and hat and grabbed his suitcase. "Thanks for the breakfast, Stimpy. I'm off to work. You can have the rest."

"I don't need it, Ren! You take it! You're as thin as a stripper pole!"

"I'll be fine, Stimpy!" Ren grabbed his keys and headed for the door. "Bye, Stimpy! I'll see you in about 14 hours!"

Stimpy walked up to him and hugged him. "Good-bye, Ren!" Stimpy said. Then he kissed him on the cheek in the doorway.

Ren nudged him away. "Come on, Stimpy! We talked about this!" He walked out the door and closed it.

Stimpy stood at the doorway until he heard Ren's car drive away. "Alright, let's get these chores done for Ren!"

Later at Ren's work:

Ren pulled in at the parking lot of his work. He got out of the car, got his briefcase from the trunk and walked towards the door. When he walked in, it was dark and only a few lights were on. No one was there except for his boss, Mr. Boss Man, who was in his office. Ren walked in to see what was going on. "Hey, why is everyone gone?"

Mr. Boss Man gasped and jumped in his seat. "Whoa! Hoek, is that you?"

"Yeah. Who else could it be?" asked Ren sarcastically.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!"

"Dead?"

"I saw the news and it said a Chihuahua had died, and you're the only Chihuahua in this part of town, for all I know!" Mr. Boss Man stated, clutching his chest. "Jesus Christ! You nearly gave me a heart attack! I wasn't expecting anyone today! I cancelled work today because your death had screwed up the schedule!"

Ren stuttered. "If work was cancelled, then why did you call my house telling me to come early?"

"What? I called to give your wife my condolences! She must have misunderstood my call." Mr. Boss Man breathed heavily for a while. "By the way, she is a very sweet woman. I hope you treat her well, Hoek. I know how you are, you crazy bastard."

"But, Stimpy's not my-"

"Go, Hoek. I still have to work, so go home! And be sure to be here at 8:00 tomorrow." Mr. Boss Man interrupted.

"Yes sir." Ren opened the door to his office and headed out.

"Hey, be sure to tell your lovely wife that I said 'Hi'." Mr. Boss Man called.

Later with Stimpy:

"Oh joy! It only took me 30 minutes to do the chores today! Now I can do," Stimpy yawned, "whatever I want!" Stimpy yawned again. "I'm kinda tired." His stomach growled loudly. "And hungry! I'll make a sandwich or something and then take a nap." He went into the kitchen and got out some bread, peanut butter, and a knife.

Then, as Stimpy was spreading peanut butter on his bread, he heard a car pull up in the driveway. He looked out the window and saw Ren getting out of it and walking up the steps of the house.

Ren opened the door. "Stimpy, I'm home." He took off his suit and hung them up sloppily on the coat rack and threw his briefcase on his TV chair.

"Well, someone's here early! What's wrong, Ren?"

"Work got cancelled today, Stimpy. I'm extremely tired. I'm going to go take a bath." Ren started walking up the steps to their bedroom. "I'm so sick and tired of this car crash crap. Who the hell was that guy anyways?"

"I don't know. The news is too busy talking about the royal family's new baby to talk about anything important." Stimpy said, taking a bite from his sandwich. "Oh yeah! There was a letter that came in the mail for both of us. When you get back we can read it."

"OK, whatever." Ren said from the top of the steps. He walked into the bathroom and took off his fur and started the water.

Stimpy sat on the couch and turned on the TV to Nickelodeon and Spongebob came on. It was the "Band Geeks" episode. "Yay! Spongebob!" Stimpy cheered. But then Nick Studio 10 interrupted and the crew started slapping each other with radioactive fishes with clown noses while dressed like Simpsons characters. Stimpy turned the TV off, knowing he'd have to deal with that crap throughout the whole program.

Ren came back down with a towel around his waist. "Stimpy, where's the shampoo?"

"Under the sink like it always is."

"OK." Ren started to go back up.

Stimpy giggled. "You know, Ren, you look a lot younger without your fur."

"Shut up!" Ren growled.

After Ren was done with his bath:

"Ah, that felt good." Ren sighed with relief as he walked down. He slumped on the couch and laid back.

"Hey Ren? You wanna read that letter now?" Stimpy asked.

"Sure. Why not. Let me see it."

Stimpy handed him the letter. "Here you, go, Ren!"

"Holy cow! This is from my Great Aunt Maria! I haven't seen her since Uncle Rico died!" Ren said excitedly. "Wait a minute." said Ren with a sad look on his face. "Did someone else pass away?"

"Don't think so negatively, Ren! She probably just wants to say 'Hi'! Family doesn't have to send you letters just because someone dies! Just open it and see!" Stimpy said.

Ren slowly opened up the envelope and took out the letter, carefully unfolding it and read it.

"What's it say, Ren?" Stimpy asked. "I can't read!"

Ren was silent for a while. "Oh my God. No. . . ."

"What's wrong? Did they legalize gay marriage? Is Megan Fox gonna be April O' Neil in the new TMNT movie? Are the supermarkets gonna start-"

"Sven's dead."

"What?" Stimpy asked. "I didn't hear."

"It's Sven. He's the one who was in that car wreck."

"WHAT?"

"His funeral is on the 23rd at the Northern Cemetery." Ren kept staring at the letter in disbelief. "Oh man. Sven. . . ."

Stimpy started sniffling and tears were pouring from his eyes. "But. . . he can't be dead! The fans would tear the author of this story into shreds!" Stimpy pulled down on his ears and started to cry, kicking his legs.

Ren looked over at Stimpy and patted him. "It's OK Stimpy. Don't worry-"

"DON'T WORRY? SVEN'S DEAD, REN! NOW WE'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!" Stimpy grabbed Ren and hugged him and cried on his shoulder.

Ren hugged him back. He closed his eyes and laid his head on Stimpy. But he couldn't cry. He just let Stimpy empty out his eye sockets for what seemed like hours. When he was finally done, Ren was soaking wet and had an aching pain in his back. Stimpy was shaking and looked confused.

"I can't believe he's gone, Ren! How could this happen?" Stimpy sniffled.

"Everyone dies, Stimpy. It's natural." Ren said.

Stimpy wiped his nose with his arm. "Why did he have to go so soon?"

Ren took Stimpy's snot-encrusted hand and rubbed it. "God decides whenever it's time for us to kick the bucket. I guess He chose for Sven's bucket to be tipped a little too early."

"He didn't deserve it, Ren! How could God just let him die like that?"

Ren was silent for a moment. "I don't know, Stimpy." Ren wiped the tears off of Stimpy's face. "Cheer up, OK? Let's not let this crap ruin or days, alright?"

"OK," Stimpy said softly.

"Now, dry those tears, mister!" Ren grabbed the TV remote. "Let's see what's on TV and get our minds off this catastrophe!"

The News lady came on. "We finally have the identity of the car wreck victim. His name is Sven Hoek. We don't have any pictures of him alive, so here's his picture after the crash."

A picture of Sven came up on the screen. Bones were poking out from his skull, huge chunks of his face were gone, and he was covered in blood. Ren covered his mouth and gagged. "Oh, for God's sake!"

Stimpy started to bawl and literally cried a river. Stimpy's cries were so loud that they broke all of the windows in the house. He threw himself onto Ren and cried on him again.

"Oh, Stimpy, please don't cry!" Ren hugged him tightly and stroked his head.

Stimpy got up and ran upstairs, leaving behind a trail of tears. He jumped onto the bed and stuck his face into the pillows and pounded the bed with his fists.

Hours later:

There was knocking at the door. "Stimpy? You wanna talk?"

There was no answer.

"Stimpy, I know you're upset, but it'll help to talk about it!"

There was still no answer.

"Stimpy, PLEASE don't do this to me! You've been up here for 5 hours and you haven't said a word! I'm starting to worry about you!"

There was, yet again, no answer.

Ren tried to open the door, but it was locked. He started to get scared and bashed the door open with his arm. "STIMPY!"

Ren saw Stimpy curled up in the corner, violently shaking and laughing. He was muttering crazy things.

"Did you see him? He looked so great, didn't he? I love what he did with his hair!" He let out a crazy laugh and started to twitch.

Ren ran to his side and grabbed his arms. "Stimpy, calm down! Snap out of it, baby!"

Stimpy started to foam from the mouth. "LET GO OF ME BITCH!"

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" Ren slapped him as hard as he could across the face, leaving a dark pink mark.

Stimpy stopped and looked up. "Ren? What happened?"

"You were going crazy! What happened up here?"

"I feel sick."

Ren helped Stimpy up into bed. "Just relax, OK, honey?" Ren rubbed his head thoughtfully. "Now, what were you doing up here?"

Stimpy thought for a moment. "I was just thinking about Sven and I guess I went a little crazy." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sorry, Ren. I've never had anyone close to me die before."

"But you don't have to worry, Stimpy. Death is a beautiful thing!" said Ren.

Stimpy stared at him. ". . . . . What?"

"Have I ever told you the story of George the Friendly Angel?"

Stimpy grinned softly. "Tell me a story!"

Ren laughed. "Well, George is a great Angel, who is sent from God to pick up all of the people that die around the world. He's a nice man who'll give you candy and a massage on your way to Heaven!"

"Is that true?" Stimpy asked.

"Of course it is, Stimpy! It's absolutely 100% true!"

"That's a nice story, Ren! Is that what happened to Sven?"

"Yep!" Ren tucked Stimpy in and walked towards the door. "You feel better now?"

"I sure do, Ren! Now that I know that Sven is in a better place with George the Friendly Angel!"

"Good! Now get some rest, OK?" Ren blew him a kiss and walked out, slowly closing the door.

At Sven's funeral:

Ren and Stimpy got out of their car, which was parked outside of the Cemetery. Stimpy was wearing a black dress and a veil, but Ren just wore the hat he usually wears to work.

There were tons of Ren's relatives crowded around a big hole in the ground. They were talking, crying, laughing, and some were even running around chasing each other, probably playing tag.

"Boy, you sure have a large family, Ren. There must be at least 100 Chihuahuas here."

"This isn't all of my family, Stimpy. About 20 people aren't here. But, yeah, I do have a lot of relatives, huh?" Ren sighed happily. "It's because my great grandparents were whores and had tons of babies."

"Children are so wonderful! I wish we could have a BUNCH of them!" said Stimpy cheerfully.

Ren groaned. "How many times do I have to tell you that that's not possible?"

Then, a skinny old Chihuahua woman with puffy white hair and glasses walked over. "Hello, Ren dear! It's so good to see you two!"

"Hi Great Aunt Maria. How have you been?" Ren hugged her tightly.

"Not so damn hard now! You'll break my back!" Aunt Maria laughed. She turned towards Stimpy. "How are you, dear?"

"Oh, I am doing fine! I'm a little sad about Sven, though."

"We all are, dearie. If we weren't sad about it, we'd all be a bunch of cold hearted bastards!" Aunt Maria took Stimpy's cheek and pulled on it.

A big fat Chihuahua lady with a purple suit and hat and too much red lipstick came over and grabbed Ren and pulled him to her gigantic bosom. "OH, REN! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!" She hugged him so hard it sounded like she was breaking his back.

Ren coughed and gasped for air. "It's good to see you, too, Aunt Consuela!"

"OH MY GOD I ALREADY MISS SVEN! I REMEMBER WHEN YOU TWO CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND PLAYED AND YOU WERE SO CUTE!" Aunt Consuela started to cry.

"Let him go, honey! You're crushing the hell out of him!" Aunt Maria commanded.

"SORRY, MOM!" Aunt Consuela let go of Ren, causing Ren to start twitching and coughing.

"Hi Aunt Consuela! You're looking mighty handsome today!" Stimpy commented.

"WHY, THANK YOU SWEETIE! YOU ARE SO NICE! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE GAY PARTNERS WITH MY NEPHEW!"

"Aunt Consuela! I already told you that we're not gay!"

"IT'S OK WITH ME THAT YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL, REN! I STILL LOVE YOU! I ALSO STILL LOVE YOUR COUSIN JESSICA FOR BEING A LESBIAN!"

"Jessica's a lesbian?" Ren shriveled up his nose in confusion.

"YES! AND SPEAKING OF SEXUAL ACTIVITIES, YOUR SISTER IS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF A SERIAL KILLER!"

"WHAT? MY BABY SISTER IS PREGNANT AND NO ONE TOLD ME?" Ren's eyes opened wide and he was freaking out, extremely mad.

"NOW, NOW, CALM DOWN, DARLING! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!" Aunt Consuela looked around. "THERE SHE IS NOW! YOU CAN TALK TO HER!" Aunt Consuela waddled off to go see some of the younger kids and smother them, too.

Ren's bloated sister, Rhonda, walked over. She had short blonde hair and was wearing a large black dress. She hugged him and said, "Ren! It's been a while!"

"When did THIS happen?" Ren said, pointing to her giant belly.

"Seriously? That's the first thing you say when you see me?" Rhonda scoffed. "I met this guy at Subway and he came home with me. Then the cops came and took him away and the pregnancy test thingy said positive. Hi Stimpy!" Rhonda waved at Stimpy and hugged him.

"Hey, Rhonda! Congratulations!" Stimpy hugged back.

"Stimpy, you're too sweet, you know that?" She glared over at Ren. "Why can't YOU be that supportive?"

Suddenly, the priest, Wilbur Cobb, announced, "Attention, everyone! It's time to get this shindig started! All of you freaks need to get your butts over here and sit down so we can begin!"

Everyone went over and sat down in metal fold-out chairs that were set in front of the hole. The coffin that held Sven was right beside it and a brown pedestal was on the other side.

"Now, to start us off, I'm gonna have you all come up here in an organized line and come see this dead guy before I bury him!" Wilbur laughed crazily.

Aunt Consuela went first. "HI SVEN. IT SUCKS THAT YOU'RE DEAD. BUT YOU CAN STILL ENJOY SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE BROWNIES I USED TO MAKE YOU ALL THE TIME." She got out a pan of brownies from her cleavage and started shoving it down Sven's carcass. She walked off and softly cried.

Then it was their Uncle Eddie. "Hey there, Sven. I'm. . . WE'RE sad to see you go so soon. Um. . . I remember when you'd come over to my house. Me, you, and Ren would go out and shoot things together. Even though you sucked at it, I had a lot of fun. But now you can hunt with Jesus. I bet that's fun, eh?" He sighed and was silent for a minute. "See ya later, bud. I'll miss you." He ruffled Sven's hair a little and walked off.

Stimpy walked up with a tissue in his hand. "Oh, Sven! You were a great cousin! I just can't believe you're gone!" He blew his nose, blowing snot everywhere. He looked down at Sven. "You look so peaceful! Especially since the last time I saw your face it was all screwed up! Those people at the funeral home really know how to patch a fellow up!" Stimpy reached into his black purse and pulled out a large object. "Here you go. You left your jar of spit at our house the last time you came over. Bye-bye, Sven!" Stimpy ran off, crying like crazy.

Ren walked up, waved, smiled, and said, "Hi!" then walked away.

After everyone saw him:

Everyone was sitting back down in their seats, waiting for Wilbur Cobb to return from his crap.

"When is that fat guy gonna get back?" asked Great Aunt Maria.

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT BETTER BE SOON! I HAVE THE BIGGEST WEDGIE AND I WANT THIS FREAKING FUNERAL TO BE OVER WITH BECAUSE I AM TIRED!" Aunt Consuela complained.

Stimpy leaned over in Ren's ear. "Hey Ren? That guy's been gone forever and your aunt is getting kinda. . . . loud!"

"What the hell do you expect me to do about it?"

"Nothing, I was just saying that-"

"Stimpy, PLEASE! I'm not in the mood for your crap right now! And stop complaining! It won't do you much good!"

When Wilbur finally got back, he stood at his pedestal thingy and started to preach a lot of random crap that no one listened to. "And when He blah blah blah blah, the man stood there and blah blah blah."

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Cobb, sir, but I believe that 'blah blah blah' is not part of the Bible." Stimpy spoke out.

Wilbur glared at him through his glasses. "Who is the preacher here?"

Stimpy held out his finger and nervously pointed at him. "You?"

"WRONG!" Wilbur Cobb started muttering random gibberish, then cleared his throat. "Now, before I get rid of this carcass, if anyone would like to say anything about the one who has departed, get up here and stand at this brown thing!"

Stimpy immediately raised his hand and ran up to the pedestal. "I'd like to say a few words about my best friend and great cousin Sven Hoek!"

Ren covered his face. "Oh Lord!"

Stimpy cleared his throat real good and breathed. "Sven was a guy who'd stand by your side, no matter how long or which side he had to stand by! He was selfless and would put others before himself! Not to mention that he was a great fellow member of the Loyal Order of Stupids!" Stimpy started to tear up and his voice was getting creaky and shaky from trying to keep himself from crying. "But it's OK that he's dead because George the Friendly Angel is taking him to Heaven!"

Aunt Maria elbowed Ren. "What the hell is he talking about?"

"I had to tell Stimpy some retarded story so he'd stop crying." Ren explained.

Suddenly, there was a loud clash of thunder and the dark clouds split open. A bright light shone through and a giant hand with very beautiful nails poked out. "Hello, children!"

"Hey, God!" everyone greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to drop off Sven. He wasn't supposed to die yet. It was all a misunderstanding."

Then, a purple puff of smoke puffed up and Death appeared. "Yeah, I accidentally reaped his soul even though I wasn't supposed to. Sorry about that." He disappeared like he had appeared.

"Plus, he's EXTREMELY annoying! Oh my God I feel like my ears are gonna hang themselves!" God said.

"So, we get to see Sven again?" Stimpy asked.

"Yes, little one. Yes you do." Then, God clapped his hands and Sven's soul came down and went back into his body by climbing into his own mouth.

"Hallo everybody, ya!" Sven said with glee.

Everyone ran up to him, hugging him and all that other crap.

"YAY SVEN IS ALIVE NOW I CAN GO HOME AND POOP BECAUSE I HAVE A CRAP THAT WOULD CHOKE A DONKEY!" Aunt Consuela complained.

"THEN GO POOP AND SHUT THE HELL UP!" Aunt Maria yelled.

"Great Aunt Maria! Watch your mouth!" Rhonda scolded. "God is in our presence!"

"Oh yeah. Sorry God!" Aunt Maria apologized.

"It's OK. Just be more careful, you potty-mouth." God put his arms back in the clouds and closed them back and it started to rain. Everyone started running and stumbling to their cars and drove off. But Ren, Stimpy, and Sven stayed out.

"Oh Sven! We're so glad you're OK!" Stimpy told Sven and hugged him.

"Hallo, Stimpy! How is mine favorite cousin?"

"Come ON, guys! It's raining! Let's go home!" Ren shouted.

"OK." A light bulb appeared over Stimpy's head. "Hey I know! You wanna come home with us, Sven?"

"Hokay!" Sven answered.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Ren shouted in dismay.

"Oh, PLEASE Ren? PLEASE?"

"OK! OK, let's just GO already!"

So the three got to their car and drove to their home, which Sven soon got kicked out of for annoying Ren too much.

THE END


End file.
